Not For Human Minds

Some Small Closure

2011-12-24T00:02:00.000-08:00

At least once a year when I was young our family would pile into our tiny blue Honda civic, my parents up front and me and my two (at the time) younger brothers stuffed in back. We would set off across the scorching New Mexican desert for a 8 ½ hour trek through Texas and into Oklahoma. Our final destination was the college town of Stillwater, OK and our reason for the long and often epically hot journey was to visit my grandmother, Esther Andrews. We would all be looking out the window in those last few minutes trying to remember little a landmark that would ensure us we were getting close. Then we would make the last turn, the one we all remember and arrive at grandma’s house. By that time we were all usually cagy and tense from the car and the close quarters and ready to stretch our legs. One of us would run excitedly up to the door and Grandma Esther would come out to greet us all with a hug.

My grandmother’s hugs were something that in retrospect were quite extraordinary. She would put her arms around us with an always surprisingly strong embrace. This is something I only thought about later in life but my grandmother was a remarkably strong woman both physically and spiritually. She would always be the driving force in all our vacation activities when we came to visit. We did what grandma thought we should do and went where she thought we should go. My father and his siblings would describe her as stubborn and that was mostly true. She was more than that though. She acted with a sort of inner confidence that was rarely challenged and even less often matched. She was a smallish woman but had a hand shake that would put most young men to shame. Her hugs were always long and full of love.

I always loved visiting grandma. When I was young the reason was strictly superficial. She would, almost without fail, buy at least two boxes of Reese’s Puffs cereal. You see, we would never get Reese’s Puffs at home. They were too expensive or had too much sugar but grandma would always make sure we had some for every breakfast we ate at her house. This small thing means volumes to me now. It holds as proof my grandmother would anticipate our arrival and find a simple and perfect way to welcome us for each visit.

Later in life my reasons for loving our yearly visits changed. As I matured I realized how funny and loving she was. She was humble and outspoken and an amazing cook (especially her homemade bread which at a certain point, with a little butter, cinnamon, and sugar, replaced the Reese’s Puffs as my breakfast of choice). She was also one of the most faithful and spiritual people I have ever met. My personal beliefs about religion aside when my grandmother said she was praying for me, I knew she was and I knew it was a pure and humbling expression of love.

Grandma Esther Also gave me a chance to have one of the most amazing experiences of my life. In early 2001 I had an opportunity to go on a trip to Australia with a group of student ambassadors. The only problem was that I needed a $400 deposit to reserve my spot. A sum that our family could never have afforded at the time. I called some other family members asking for a short term loan of sorts but had no real luck. Until I called my grandmother. She said a check was on the way and not to worry about paying it back. All she requested was that I take lots of pictures and show them to her the next time I was down to visit, which I did the very next fall. She was always full of small selfless acts and occasional bursts of absolute that made her one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

In early December 2009 my father received word that my grandmother was very ill and he might want to come down to see her. He flew down a few days later and gathered with his family at my Aunt Janie’s house in Texas. She had been sick on and off for the previous year or so and this time she had made a decision that she did not want to fight any longer. My father visited with her and then flew back home to be with us for Christmas. When he returned he urged us to call and talk to her as it would likely be our last chance to speak with her. I spent days thinking about what to say to her. I just could not wrap my head around finding the last words I would ever say to someone who has meant a great deal to me. A woman that always had faith in me when no one did, my self included. I actually had such a problem that nearly a week passed. I finally decided I had to do it whether I was ready or not.

Two days before Christmas eve while I was at work. I told my boss I needed a break and I went to the back and called my aunt. She informed me that my grandmother had been in a great deal of pain and had been given a dose of morphine. She was now asleep and I would not be able to talk to her. I asked my aunt to call me as soon as she was awake. As soon as I hung up the phone I started to cry. I just knew that I had missed my chance and I was devastated. I went through the rest of the day fighting back tears and in a state of deep despair.

After work I went home and started writing the first two-thirds of this very blog as a way to settle my emotions. While I was writing I received a call from my cousin. Grandma Esther was awake and wanted to talk to me.

Her voice was weak and I could tell she was crying.

She said she loved me and I said I loved her too.

I thanked her for everything she'd done for me throughout my life.

She told me that if she had ever done anything too offend me or upset me that she was sorry.

I told her that she had never done anything but good for me and my family.

She said "I'll see you in heaven Steven, me and Grandpa will be waiting for you. Just promise me it will be a good long time before you arrive"

I said I would do my best.

We said goodbye and she gave the phone back to my cousin. He asked me what I said because she smiled during our phone call for the first time in days. A flood of tears prevented me from answering.

Two days later my family had just finished eating dinner and two my of brothers, my sister, my parents and I were driving around town looking at the lights (a tradition for us every Christmas eve). We had parked near a business in Kennewick that had an animated/musical light display. After the lights had gone trough one cycle we were just about to leave when my father’s phone rang. We all knew what that meant.

Esther Ida Christensen Andrews died just after 7:30 on December 24, the same day her husband, my grandfather Theodore Andrews had died some two and a half decades earlier. The mood in the car was very somber after that but we still followed through on our traditions as a way to draw closer as a family in a time of deep sadness.

The next day was an almost surreal experience. We did everything we had done on Christmas the same as we had the previous 22 years but we all felt a small piece was now missing. Since that Christmas I have continued to work on this blog and it has taken me two years of rewriting and tweaking and rewriting again. This is still nowhere near the tribute I would like it to be. It is very hard to find words to describe how much someone like my grandma meant to me and what it was like to lose her. Perhaps there are not even words that would ever be adequate.

I will miss my grandma Ester but her legacy lives on through the great man my father is and the great man I will strive to become.

Esther Ida Christensen Andrews

May 6, 1921-December 24, 2009

Football.

2011-05-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry if you don't like soccer but this was so awesome I had to share it. Lamar Neagle is a Federal Way native playing for the Seattle Sounders. This was his first MLS goal and has to be the goal of the week.

Video Not For Human Minds II

2011-05-02T22:49:00.000-07:00

Significance

2011-05-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

Osama Bin Laden is Dead.

My first instinct is to try to find someway to be cynical or comment on our American obsession with revenge. Eye for an eye and all that.

But no.

On September 11 I was scared and uncertain as I know many others were. I cried. Not initially for the life lost but because I was truly scared. It was the first time I felt that deep a turmoil involving my own safety. The one constant of my life, the strength and invincibility of my home country seem to be collapsing before my eyes. Then I did feel an overwhelming sadness for the people who died. The pictures that I saw that entire day at school, in every class were, in a word, devastating. The pain and suffering seemed to be greater than just the individuals directly affected. It was pain and terror our young generation had never know and was not prepared for. The years that have followed have been hard and at times tragic for our country. Uncertainty and anger tinged we youth and was stuck down deep in us. After years we seemed to give up not only on finding Bin Laden but seemingly on justice itself.

Now after hearing the news that Bin Laden is indeed dead, I am happy. Not at the death of a man but at the liberation of a generation. The assassin of our innocences is dead and I say we deserve to celebrate.

My cynicism is intact but for tonight I can't help but put in aside and let a feeling of relief and triumph take it's place.

"I've never wished a man dead but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." - Mark Twain

Passion

2011-04-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

I love to cook.

I love everything about it. I love shopping to find ingredients, looking for new recipes, throwing out recipes all together, experimenting, testing, tasting, and trying again. I like rushing and raving and doing things fast. I like slowing down, waiting, simmering and stewing. I like it all.

And it makes me happy.

I mean really and truly happy.

And it does it better than anything else in my life. Better than my family or friends (no offense I do love you guys), better than my favorite song on a perfect day, or the smile of a million babies. When I'm cooking I am doing something that I am truly comfortable doing, something that comes naturally to me. That, in and of itself, is enough to make it my favorite thing in the world.

See, I am not good at very many things. As a matter of fact I'm not even OK at many things. I'm out of shape, bad at sports, bad at math, and a terrible writer. I have some social anxiety issues which makes me pretty bad at talking to, well, humans. I'm uncomfortable and akward in nearly 90% of my daily life.

But then there's the kitchen.

I will venture to boast that I AM GOOD AT COOKING. I'm smart at cooking. I'm even GREAT at cooking sometimes. I know it. I have it down and the things I don't know I can pick up with ease. It's in my heart and down deep.

It means so much to be that this past Thanksgiving my family went to my brothers future in-laws to eat. This meant we didn't have to cook anything. I was so upset that I insisted that I be allowed to cook a second thanksgiving meal at our house a week later. Which I did. Turkey (brined for 8 hours and roasted), mashed potatoes (both garlic rosemary and traditional plain), dressing (sausage, sage and apple), green beans (sauteed with bacon and garlic), and homemade yeast rolls (best I've ever made).

Sounds stupid right? I spent an entire paycheck on food just to have the pleasure of busting my ass for 12 hours to cook it all myself on a Sunday.

Such is my relationship with cooking, my one true passion.

What's yours?

Preparation Is Key

2011-04-15T15:49:00.001-07:00

In the months that have past since my last post I have written then deleted nearly 30 blogs that I never posted. After each attempt I would read over it and realize that some thing was dramatically wrong with it in some way. Too whiny, too crass, too downright stupid even. So I deleted and deleted again never getting the satisfaction of publishing anything.

So get ready because hopefully over the next few days I will be letting loose nearly six months of tension, anger, humor, hate, and love. It will all certainly be...

Not For Human Minds.

disclaimer: This might all be a giant load of fucking bullshit and you won't hear from me for another six months.

The Fall

2010-11-04T11:18:00.001-07:00

The cool air and turning leaves. I love the fall. The summer is to sweaty and the spring always reminds me of how lonely I am but the fall, the fall just feels right. I get to wear more and more clothing to cover my bulbous anatomy and not look that homeless. Somehow the fading colors and falling leaves are very comforting to me. It's as if they are saying "Even nature gets tired of being bright and cheerful".
There is something else about fall that I really look forward to as well: The Holidays. From Halloween on to New Years is my favorite time of the year. I enjoy the twisted fun of Halloween and all the pseudo pagan rituals and symbolism (and the candy obviously).
Then there is Thanksgiving, the biggest meal of the year and a cooks favorite holiday. I love the rituals of preparing food in general but especially the family related ones of Thanksgiving. We all sit down and decide who is cooking what, without needing to discuss what will be served. It's all so traditional and planned out and a good break from half-ass non-conformist type life.
Then there's Christmas. If you don't like Christmas then I'm sorry your family hates you/are dead. Mine don't/aren't so I love it. It's the one time of the year it's safe to care about frivolous things and express how much you care for those around you. If only it didn't have to be only once a year.

Location:George Washington Way,Richland,United States

Video Not For Human Minds

2010-09-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

Bought a new webcam and decided to add an new element to my blog! If I ever start posting on a regular basis (fingers crossed) I will include one video each month (if people seem to like it that is.) Here's the first, behold!

Move Around To Play Video Games? Fuck Right Off!

2010-07-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

Years ago when Nintendo announced they were going to be releasing a new console I was very fucking thrilled. Why not? The consoles that introduced me to video games and played a major part in how I developed as child were all made by Nintendo. So many memories and all of them good. No other corporation could claim nearly such lofty status. Then I heard it would be called The Wii or wee. I sort of chuckled it off like most fan boys with the inescapable "I'm gonna play with my Wii so Hard. BAhahahahah!" Then I heard about the controller and saw videos of people waving them about like fucking magic wands. Still I could not think an ill thought of my beloved Nintendo. Finally it was released and I had a chance to play it for the first time at a buddies house. We played Wii Sports (as if anyone played any other Wii games that first few months). Started with golf and then bowling and went on playing each one after the other. My first thoughts were "This is great" and 'Wow, motion controls are the shit.' But after a short time I realized that something very bad was actually occurring here. By the time we got to boxing I had come to the conclusion that Nintendo may have just halted a two and a half decades of innovation and forward momentum in gaming and made the console equivalent of a family board game. There I was in the living room of a small white family who had never owned a gaming system, whose kids were fit and played sports, the average american family you might say, and they were all eating the shit up. The mainstream was coming and with it the homogenization (further homogenization in some peoples minds) of the video game industry.

Fast forward to this year and both Xbox (my new goto console) and Playstation announce their own version of "motion controllers" for "casual gamers", Kinetic and Move respectively. Fuck. After the Wii tragedy I dismissed Nintendo (ecxept for one or two remakes that sucked and The DS) saying "Let them make games for the average mouth breathing idiots (and kids) I have my Xbox to do some serious and mature gaming. However, now I get that same feeling from the living room. The coming storm. But now it's coming for ALL gamers and ALL consoles. (PC gamers shut your nerd mouths)

Okay, do I think Kinetic and Move are goin to murder Xbox and PlayStation like the Wii murdered Nintendo? No. What I fear is they are goin to be successful because of thier appeal (mouth breathers) and that in turn the game industry will start to focus more attention on making lots of causual games and leaving the serious game makers with a smaller share of both the market and the budgets. Then the only games that will be made for adults will be shitty frat boy games (Call Of Duty 8: Modern War Of 1812?) and idiot proof Japanese style games (Final Fantasy 22: Press a for 60 hours while techno plays and you win.)

Anyway here's hoping Kinetic and Move fail and games are left to us unattractive socially awkward types with very dexterous fingers.

(Hear that ladies? Dexterous fingers.)

Random-itude

2010-05-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

There have been some things of my mind lately. Here are a few...

Video Games

I like them and don't give a fuck what a chin-less jackass, who has never played one, has to say about them not being art. Fuck off back to movie land if you want me to give a shit what you say Ebert! (because I DO care what a chin-less jackass has to say about movies)

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I like it too, for three main reasons: I love Meso-American culture. I find any depiction of it interesting and the legend of the crystal skulls even more so. I think Harrison Ford is the greatest actor in all nerd history. Han Solo? Deckard? Indy? Enough said. I went in to watching it knowing exactly what to expect. Yes it's has ridiculous moments and situations but so did all the others. Are aliens more far fetched than the power of god melting nazis? I think not.

Twitter

Is officially the best way to find out that the people who make the things you love are, in fact, douche bags or assholes. Ex: Kevin Smith, Olivia Munn, and Brian Lee O'malley.

Check Writing

At my job we have a policy that states if a purchase is over twenty dollars we can not take a check for it. Every time I see someone pull out a check book I tell them our policy but something else happens. I get pissed off, on the inside. Who has a damn check book nowadays? For fucks sake get a debit card! Even worst is when I see someone pull out the check book and tell them the bad news and then they pull out a debit card! WTF?! Just use that all the time fucker! Now if it were just little old ladies doing it I would be much more understanding but most of the time it's some uppity middle aged person who should know better. Seriously can we just eliminate checks already? At least in retail situations?

Magnets

How do they work?

Juggalos

Are they really that stupid?

(yes)

Gogol Bordello

These guys are awesome. Their new album Trans-Continental Hustle is a huge step forward for them. Musically they have really refined things and added even more international influence to their sound. I would describe this album as gypsy punk rock with splashes of Spanish guitar and even jazz and blues mixed about. Check it out! Only 7.99 on iTunes

"We gonna build a new globalizer

Without pantzerfaust or a shmiser

And may the sound of our contaminated beat

Sweep all the Nazi purists off their feet"

Fucking Comic Book Movies!

2010-04-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

If you didn't guess by the title this one is about comics and movies and when the two collide. Before I get into it though I want to give you a short timeline of my comic book fandom. This should allow you to take the rest with an appropriate grain of salt.

1993: Was given a box of old Marvel and DC comics by my uncle and read them all (mostly shite).

1994: Started to buy shitty 50 cent comics at the Quick Stop Mart by my house.

1995: Discovered Spawn, a comic my mother hated and did everything to keep me from (i was 8) and one I loved and started to collect.

1995-2003 Kept reading comics and Collecting Spawn.

2004: Decided comic were for kids and lamers and Sold my Complete Spawn collection (including #1-6 in pristine condition) to help pay for my first car (a shitty red Ford Escort).

2007: Met one Mr. Ryan Jones and read my first couple of comics in 3 years.

2008: Kept reading comics occasionally liking them but feeling like I should not

2009: I came out of the "Nerd Closet" started reading like crazy and trying to catch up on a lot of lost years.

2010: I proudly buy comics every week and love to talk about them and try to convert people who don't read them.

Now,

FUCKING COMIC BOOK MOVIES!

Over the past 10 years the movie industry has seemed to have a huge boner for comics. Each summer at least one or two of the most highly anticipated and highest grossing movies of the year are straight from their pages. Spiderman 1 & 2 and The Dark Knight even managed to be in the top ten highest grossing movies since 2000. But why?

Don't ask a comic book nerd I can tell you that. By in large there are few, if any comic book movies that are universally accepted as good by "true comic fans". This may be in part because fans of comics are the most ravenous and steadfastly loyal fans there are in the world. When they like something they LOVE it. They memorize every nuance and detail. They buy the shirts, the toys, the posters and the trades (for those who don't know a "trade" refers to a trade paperback version of a book that compiles the single issue comics).

These fans can be some of the best and the worst fans in the world . They will support you for years and make you very rich (sort of, I mean we're talking about comics) But on the other hand if you mess with that thing they love, no fans hate more passionately then comic book fans either. A simply change of artist or character decision (say you decide Thor has 40 fucking hammers now. Am I right Jones?) This can insight true and undying rage.

This brings me to comic book movies. The major issue all filmmakers run into when they are deciding what to do with the juicey new comic licence they just picked up is (I'm guessing) finding how to go about making a movie that the general public will eat up and love but that will not piss off too many nerds. This is IMPOSSIBLE. You see, by in large, the things that make comics appealing to their fans are things that also set them apart from mainstream consumption. Whether through ideas or content comics express themselfs in a unique way that rarely can be transfered to another medium.

Another problem is that comics ARE books and because of that fact a huge amount of the what a person gets from them comes from how an individual interprets them. Whether it is as simple as how a character sounds (Batman?) or the intended tone, a book is often much more open for individual experiences than a film.

The final problem with comic book movies is even if someone makes a perfect interpretation of a fans favorite comic, down to every last detail, they will have already seen it.

Oh shit! I almost forgot here's my lame-ass video review of Kickass

Multi-Blog

2010-04-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

So I have been trying to write a blog for a while now. First I had writers block issues and then I was sick. Now I sit down to write and I still can't decide what to write about. In light of that I have concluded that this blog will be composed of a few mini blogs all with different subjects. Enjoy or whatever.

The New Rebel

It been happening over the past few years. All over the world what was once considered edgy and cool is being co-opted by the mainstream. The things that set true independent thinkers and revolutionaries apart can now be seen on MTV or even worst, Disney channel. I'm talking about things like tattoos and piercings, thrift store clothes, even things like punk rock are being reduce to a fine gray powder for the whole idiotic world to snort. How is a person supposed to set them selfs apart without risking becoming the new poster child for mediocrity? Even the "nerd culture" is being somewhat invaded by the mainstream. Suddenly the people who used to beat me up are calling them selfs nerds and talking about how the used to play NES all the time. No you fucking did not!! You threw my back pack in the ditch everyday and then I went home crying and my mom let me play video games to cheer me up while you went to football practice.

Anyway my point here is this (I think) Having tattoos and piercings no longer makes you a rebel and being good at Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 or Halo does not make you a "nerd".

Red Dead Redemption

This game looks FUCKING awesome. Like some kinda Grand Theft Auto in the old west. I'll be in line at midnight on May 18 for sure. For more videos check out the Rockstar Games Offical Site

My Brazilian Adventure

I tried to write a short story with that title a few weeks ago but found my own writing boring (more boring then usual?). Basically it was meant to chronicle my fictional trip to the amazon in which I was killed my head hunters. It Sucked. The whole story basicly boiled down to one statement: "Never hire a cheap river guide". Fuck I suck sometimes....(always?)

I Would Punch A 12 Year Old If No One Was Looking

Seriously. There are so many little teenagers that come into the Octopus' Garden and walk around like they're hot shit (and then steal things). They always act like I just kicked their dog whenever I ask if I can help them find anything. Then later (after they have giggled at some fart joke or something) they come up and ask "Where's the rasta bracelets?" or "Do you guys sell Bob Marley stuff?" First off, little assholes, you had your chance to procure my help and refused it and secondly what the fuck go you want with Rasta and Bob Marley "stuff"? Most of you tiny clowns have no idea why Bob Marley is famous let alone what Rasta even is. So please fuck off or I will punch you.

My Next Post

Since I had some trouble finding something to write about last time I decided to get my readers involved and let you guys help me decide what to write my next blog about. Below are a few ideas. If you have some different (better) ideas let me know via Twitter @CameraManSteve or via my new Facebook Page

Last I Remember

2010-03-15T21:56:00.000-07:00

Last i remeber i lay in bed

doctors surround me

shaking heads

clipboards reviewed

familiar eyes filled with

tears

then darkness

deep and comforting

sensations fading

experience fails

nothing takes hold

does not let go

my eyes open as

if they have never before

the world

view is blurry

in every way

where am i?

what has happened?

muscles contract

bones crack

i move without

a choice not to

my body lurches forward

i have no sense of the ground

or my feet touching it

my walk is cumbersome

i try to correct it

but have not the control

my body acts

compelled

by some force

unseen

i try to speak

still nothing

the words are trapped

in me

whatever form i am

and they echo there

i see from

what wereonce

MY eyes

others

people or souls

i am not

sure as to which

they wander as

my body does

Hell?

is this my fate?

do the damned

become confined

in their bodies

to roam eternally

trapped in evil thoughts

Then there are

more still

they run

mouths agape

to me

soundless

screaming faces

are some punished

more harshly?

The others seem to pursuit

These silent screamers

as does my shell

my former temple

lumbering ever closer

i see one fall

and struggle to

regain feet

i approach

surrounded by

the other damned roamers

we descend

my world seems

to vibrate

my body lunges

my former hand grabs

at any thing it can

i only watch and try to resist

alas there is

no resistance

I watch as my proxy

rips flesh

blood flows

i feel nothing

no bloody warmth

no tactile sensations

what once was me

destroys

ravages

murders

then as my empty screams

echo to haunt only me

i eat

flesh and blood

without taste

without reason

surrounded by red

the vibrations calm

i am left in my hell

limping and lumbering

once more

onward

To Whom It May Concern

2010-02-11T19:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Strangers,

How are you? I don't really care actually. I'm just writing to tell you that I would prefer that you never, ever, have huge cell phone argument near me in public. That is both annoying and inappropriate. If I cared that you and your boyfriend are having a fight about him going to jail and never being there for you I would probably just kill myself. Seriously what makes you think that you can start yelling all matter of idiotic shit into your phone in the middle of a store and then expect no one to look at you. You obviously have made a lot of poor life decisions and have no social tact at all but please do not slam your stupid into my head by force. Next time you are in the middle of a store or restaurant and you get a call from that meth riddled, herpes infested, jerk off boyfriend, maybe just let it go.

Sincerely,

Steven

PS: I hate you.

A Word About Dungeons And Dragons

2010-01-30T23:20:00.000-08:00

Last summer I started to play Dungeons and Dragons (DnD). I had seen it played and heard about how fun it was but had no real understanding of how to play or what precisely what it was. I bought a Players Handbook (PHB), a set of Role Playing Game (RPG) dice, and made my first character. An Eladrin (think super Elf) Paladin (think religious warrior and healer). The next week we had our first game. The DM (my buddy Ryan) was running the game. We took our characters into his world and never lokked back. After the game, I knew I was throughly hooked. The game basically involves a group of friends and a fantasy story that you all sort of write throughout the game. Something that I, as a budding writer loved, I had so much fun that first game that is was all I could think of for the next week, until we played again as matter of fact.

Now anyone who has never played or has played with assholes can not understand how those of us who love the game feel. It can confusing to the uninitiated and that alone is enough to steer some people away. Then there's the "nerd stigma" attached to the game that even keeps the majority of people away. Even some real geeky types. I was there. I understand.

But that all changed last July when I came out of the nerd closet.

I decided to embrace the things that I always secretly liked.

Comics.

Action Figures.

Toys.

And, with some coaxing from my friends Ryan, Beefy and, Logan, DnD.

You see I finally realized that I didn't have to put up some facade and hide away things I like that others think are uncool. I have never been "cool". As a kid I had glasses and liked to read, never played sports and got my ass kicked frequently by bullies.

Oh by the way...

FUCK YOU COREY HILL YOU FUCKING JOCK-STRAP-ASS-CLOWNING-SHIT-FUCK-ASS-BITCH.

Sorry.

Anyway I have embraced the things that made me different as a child. The things that i was naturally drawn to. I have decided that if something make me happy, why not do it. No matter what it is. right now i'm running my own DnD game. That makes me the Dungeon Master or DM.

Quite frankly I've never been happier.

PS: Eat a fat dick Corey.

I might be psychic

2010-01-27T22:10:00.000-08:00

Now I don't mean Miss Cleo psychic or Medium psychic. I have no yearning to make money from my powers nor do I want to talk to dead people to solve murders. I also don't thing I'm that kind of psychic. I don't talk to dead people or hear thoughts or feel that any of that shit is real. I can't feel any presences or "psychic feelings. I also can't make shit happen with my mind.

I know what your thinking "So how are you psychic then, fatty?"

First off, fuck you.

Secondly, I have a tendency to constantly worry about the future. I can rarely live in the moment. My mind is continually processing the possibilities that may or may not be about to happen. I can't help but running over and over the consequences of any actions mine or others, big or small.

This occasionally leads to a situation where I think about something that then ends up happening. It's a little unnerving when I'm really really accurate. For example last week at work I was doing inventory and thinking/worrying. I thought that it would really suck if someone came in and wanted to return something that they bought eith a gift card. I would have no idea how to do that. They would probably be some stupid hot girl with a shirt that didn't fit and who would make me incredibly nervous while I tried to figure out what the hell to do.

The very next person to come in was a young woman carrying a black bag. She was 19 or 20 and stunning. She had a tie-dyed shirt that she bought with a gift card and wanted to return it.

Now I don't think this is actually some super natural power and I can see the future. That is stupid as fuck. More likely it's just a product of a active imagination and a slightly paranoid personality. Slightly relative to totally bat-shit crazy that is.

Fuck. Shit. Sigh. Hell yes.

2010-01-21T23:08:00.000-08:00

I recently decided that I really needed to quit my job. I spent a few days getting up the courage to tell my bosses that I felt it time to move on. After doing so I realized the only thing that was stopping me from going now was myself.

Fuck.

There are only 2 things in the world I dislike more than my job right now, The Twilight movies/books and looking for another damn job. You see job hunting brings to light that which I try to keep under wraps deep in my "uncomfortable thought" part of the brain. You know down there with "What happens when I die?" and every memory involving going into a mens locker room.

The question that comes to me during job hunting is one that tends to screw with my head big time: What is it that I want to do with my life?

Shit.

That is a question that if i am actually asked by another person I might respond with "Write and direct movies" or "become a filmmaker" But when I think harder on it I ask myself why do I want to do these things. Is there some story need I to tell? Do i simply need to feel like I'm being heard? Does it have to do with the fact that during childhood I live in such secluded self induced isolation that I created a personality that can only see the world through the eyes of cinema?

*Sigh*

I really don't know. What's worst is these sort of thought tend to make me question if that is truly what I want to do and again I don't know. I do know that I have trouble communicating my feelings and thoughts through face to face interactions. I would much rather write a tweet text, blog, or short story. I would rather have a character tell my life story in a movie than tell someone myself.

Insecurity?

Hell yes.

The fact that I am at once confident in who I am but have no idea who I want to be is a great source of anxiety in life. I often wonder if this is a universal human problem. It ties in to a fear of what's to come. The future whether it's the prospect of a new job or prospect of trying to find your identity will alway be frightening.

But for now I need to focus and remember that perhaps I can get a new job without the untold emotional trauma of answering lifes most difficult questions.

Here's hoping.

Sex Toy Inequality

2010-01-09T21:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to Castle to visit my friend Jones. While there he proceeded to show me a plethora of sex toys and sex related memorabilia. There were anal beads, butt plugs, pussy pumps, cock rings, nipple clamps, and all sizes and shapes of dildos. Also a small (relatively) selection of "Male Masturbatory Aids"/"Pocket Pussies" or, as Jones calls them, "Life Partners" (If you don't laugh at that you're a twat). The variety of these devices is impressive at first but when one thinks about it (like perhaps only I would) the ratio of male sex toys to female sex toys is very lopsided. There are at least 4 times as many toys for straight women as there are for straight men. Now this brings up the fact that there is a much greater stigma towards men who use objects to get off then there is toward women who do.

Why?

Either way it's "unnatural" and uncouth". The bottom line is you, as a human, are fucking something not human. It is that simple. It is a device who's sole purpose is to go into something or have something go into it until someone cums. Whether the person is man or woman should have no weight in this discussion. Right?

Another bottom line is that I kind of want a "Male Masturbatory Aid" but I can't seem to get over the mental block that says it's wrong. I might make it a new years resolution to get one. Just for the simple fact that it would force me to get out of a comfort zone and do something crazy.

Also I can fuck it.

Is that so wrong?

Also I may already have one...

^STEVE^

Angry Resolution

2010-01-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

I have reached a crossroads. Too long i have sat idle and let my life suck ass. i have let assholes shit on me and let shallow bitches cut out my heart. I've chased some unreachable white rabbit of happiness according to the damned Cleavers. I've let mindless rituals consume my free time and rob my treasure chest of happiness. I've sulked, sad-ed, and bitched around my room in unexplainable retarded sadness.

More.

Fuck assholes.

Fuck shallow bitches.

Fuck white rabbits.

F!U!C!K! the Cleavers.

Fuck mindless rituals that I hate.

And FUCK retarded sadness.

I'm going to play Dungeons and Dragons because it's fun and I like it. if you got a problem you can go eat a cock. I'm going to pass on drinking when I don't feel like it because I don't have to get drunk to have fun. I'm going get shit faced drunk from time to time because sometimes it is fun. I'm going to like that "fat" girl because she's nice and talks to me. Not to mention she's not stuck up like so many skinny cunts. I am going to stop stressing about my virginity and at some point am going to have sex with a girl and it will most likely be awkward and awesome. I'm going to find a job that I like and not let "the way the world works" and "because that's what everyone does" get in the way of me being happy. I'm going to write my scripts whether or not anyone ever reads them because that makes me happy. I am going to enjoy my life and the way i choose to live it. I am going to love my true friends and my family. Don't try and stop me!

My Christmas Spirit

2009-12-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

It's very cold outside and the sun is just barely breaking over the horizon. I've been up all night in feverish anticipation but you would never be able to tell it. My brothers and I are jumping around and almost shaking with excitement. We've been waiting in our room for that exact moment our parents told us we should wake up. We've all jumped into the bed with them to wake them and they have instructed us to stay in the hallway and wait for my dad to come get us. We stand as close to the end of the hall as we possibly can, jockeying for the best position. My dad seems to take hours to set up his video camera but finally we hear "OK boys, come on!". There are no words to express the feelings and the joy of the next few moments. Between seeing the lit up Christmas tree with piles of gifts under and four little piles of toys set out for each of us. There are gasps, screams, and my mother's eyes are full of joyful tears. Even the rock solid foundation of our family, my father, is a little glassy eyed. In between sifting through our toys and waiting for the signal to tear into the wrapped gifts there are hugs and "I love you"s for everyone. The one moment a year that no one is afraid to admit how important we all are to each other.

That is the way I remember my first 8-9 Christmas mornings. Those memories and feelings are, to me, the essence of "Christmas Spirit". As the innocence of childhood has faded it has become harder to capture that feeling. I find myself doing odd things in an attempt to find some this so-called Christmas magic. I go shopping listen to Christmas songs and bake cookies and drink eggnog and hangout with my siblings and family. I find great happiness in buying gifts and looking at the lights. I also donate money or time to charity to and find myself very empathetic to the plight of others. I even cry during Christmas movies! (It's a Wonderful Life anyone?) All of this is atypical to my normal behavior. But why? Why do I find all this acceptable only in December? Perhaps it's because every year for fleeting moments I feel exactly like I did when I ran out of that hallway. Something that, for me, is completely and utterly priceless.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Fourth Kind Review

2009-11-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

I want to start off by saying that growing up, me and my father used to watch numerous shows and documentaries on alien abductions and UFO phenomenon. As a result I developed a fear of being taken in my sleep by extraterrestrials (no shit it used to scare the hell out of me) Something I have since grown out of. But I still hold a fondness for all things alien. But it give me a predisposition for liking alien themed movies and books.

The Fourth Kind is another Pseudo-doc movie that blends "real archival footage" with dramatized scenes. Milla Jovovich plays Dr. Abigail Emily Tyler, a psychologist, who practices in Nome, Alaska. After the mysterious death of her husband (in the bed right next to her) decides to continue with his research as a way to cope with his death. The project (psychological research) relating to a large number of Nome residents having chronic sleep issues. As she interviews them she finds that they are all awoken around the same time by what they describe as an owl (a creepy fucking owl). She decides to hypnotize one of them and gets an extreme reaction. The rest of the story unfolds through more hypnotism and the slow unveiling of what is interpreted as nightly alien abductions. The movie is presented through a blend of both "real" and re-enacted footage. Many of the key scenes are viewed in split-screen. Cutting to only real footage for the most intense moments. The effect is largely effective. The fact that there is a possibility that the things you are seeing could have really happened add a lot to the movie. However the story does have some pacing issues. A few moments that have great build up, fall flat. The acting in the dramatic portion is good, not great. There are many interesting issues brought up in the film including ancient aliens and extraterrestrial god theory that (predisposition) are interesting enough to make some of the slower scenes move.

The biggest gripe I have with this movie is that end. (BIG SPOILERS TO FOLLOW)

One of the last scenes in the movie (one of many that I thought was THE final) we find out that Abigail's husband killed himself. The reason I have a problem with this is that you got the sense that that was the case the entire movie but that something involving the abductions was to blame. But that is never suggested. In the end it comes back as a way to discount everything that Dr. Tyler has been saying throughout the movie. It is suggested that she hallucinated her husbands’ murder and therefore could be lying about it all. It sort of feels like the "twist" is just a way of telling you "ha ha, it all could be bullshit".

With the end and pacing issues aside I was entertained by this one. There is definitely a need to suspend some disbelieve in regards to the "real footage" but if you do you get a movie that at times is very creepy and leaves you with some juicy things to debate ant discuss with your friends. I would recommend anyone who is interested in UFOs or Abduction Theory to goes see this one. If you are not that interested in that sort of thing I would say wait and rent it. having chronic sleep issues. As she interviews them she finds that they are all awoken around the same time by what they describe as an owl (a creepy fucking owl). She decides to hypnotize one of them and gets an extreme reaction. The rest of the story unfolds through more hypnotism and the slow unveiling of what is interpreted as nightly alien abductions.

The movie is presented through a blend of both "real" and re-enacted footage. Many of the key scenes are viewed in split-screen. Cutting to only real footage for the most intense moments. the effect is largely effective. The fact that there is a possibility that the things you are seeing could have really happened add a lot to the movie. However the story does have some pacing issues. A few moments that have great build up, fall flat. The acting in the dramatic portion is good, not great. There are many interesting issues brought up in the film including ancient aliens and extraterrestrial god theory that (predisposition) are interesting enough to make some of the slower scenes move.

The biggest gripe I have with this movie is that end. (BIG SPOILERS TO FOLLOW)

One of the last scenes in the movie (one of many that I thought was THE final) we find out that Abigail's husband killed himself. The reason I have a problem with this is that you got the sense that that was the case the entire movie but that something involving the abductions was to blame. But that is never suggested. In the end it comes back as a way to discount everything that Dr. Tyler has been saying throughout the movie. It is suggested that she hallucinated her husbands murder and therefore could be lying about it all. It sort of feels like the "twist" is just a way of telling you "ha ha, it all could be bullshit".

Paranormal Activity Review (spoilers)

2009-11-04T14:10:00.000-08:00

My hopes were very high for this one. The marketing was fucking brilliant made everyone think that missing this movie in theaters would be a huge mistake. In actual fact the mistake lies in spending nine fucking buck to see this piece of shit. The story revolves around a couple and a demon. The husband starts to film everyday activity to try to catch "paranormal activity" most of which happens at night. The scenes where the couple are sleeping and strange things happen in the room are actually good (chilling) but the problem is that they only last about thirty seconds. Then we are thrown back into some scene of the couple arguing or the husband trying to bone on camera. The entire movie builds up to these scary scenes and then when they come they're gone in an instant. Leaves me with some major movie blue balls. Also the character of the husband is totally unlikeable. So when the climax comes and he is killed you couldn't care less.

DO NOT PAY TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Wait until it comes out on video and make a friend rent it for you.

My Everyday Legend 2

2009-11-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a little less than 2 weeks since I discovered I was the last man on earth. Things have been great (mostly). I spent the first few days collecting supplies and finding a place to set up my new home. A great place right on the water. It’s got a huge balcony over looking the yard and dock. I also have found a great boat that I can take down the river to go "shopping". It's been getting a little cold outside though so I have been using the cars more and more. I have pretty much everything I NEED now I go out for mostly comfort items. I think I have at least 600 DVDs by now. Only 40 or so are porn.

To my surprise the electricity lasted a good week and to days. It know comes on and off with random frequency. I have been setting up a radio tower (sort of) to see if I can get any signals. As much as I try to occupy my mind with doing all the cool stuff an empty city has to offer, I still find my self asking "what the fuck happened here?" But those thought rarely linger. I also found a dog. Some sort of mutt that had made his way on to one of the rivers little island. He was so helpless. I had to do something and now he just sort of stays with me. Gives me someone to talk to at least. There have been some strange things going on around sunset and sunrise. Strange winds and noises coming from far away. Might be my imagination. But sometimes I'm really glad to have the dog for the shallow comfort. It goes farther than you can imagine.

My Everyday Legend 1

2009-10-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and found that I was the last living man left on earth. This came as quite a shock, as one might imagine, but after an hour or so I found it to be a very pleasant development indeed. Just think about it, no more having to deal with the idiotic whims of others ever again. No more lines, no more jobs, no more customers, no more traffic, etc. My very own paradise personified.

Now after a short time of bewilderment I decided to take a nice long shower. Knowing full well that without maintenance workers hot running water was not going to last long. I also decided I would do this in the house next door. I've lived only 20 feet from this house and never before entered it. Stuffy and smelled like old people. They did have a nice shower however, with a seat and removable shower head. Forgot my shampoo and not wanting to smell like old person hair I went back next door (nude) and grabbed my Herbal Essences. I finished my shower and found a nice suit in the neighbor's closet to wear for the day. Classy.

The next step was to make a list of things I would need and a list of things I’d always wanted.

That list follows:

Gas powered generators

Gasoline

Food

New house(s)

Guns (?)

Cars (tractor trailer full of sports cars)

Electronics

Video games

TVs

Cameras (video and still)

DVDs

Boat

Porn

That was just a rough list of what I was going to try to procure but the first step I took was scouring my neighborhood for the nicest car. It was of course the black Lotus in the garage across the street. After getting distracted while looking for the keys (stumbled upon a small box of sex tapes featuring my former neighbor, his wife, and another woman). I took the lotus out on the nearly empty freeway. After scaring the shit out of my self by trying to max the speedometer I decided that I should find more of a cruiser to do my supply collecting. Something like a 1968 Pontiac Firebird?

After finding more suitable transportation I decided to head to the mall. After all, the thing I hated most a bout the mall was all the people and that would obviously not be an issue any more.

To be continued…

How To Act Whilst Viewing A Film+4 Ten Word Movie Reviews

2009-10-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

I love movies. I love renting movies, Netflix-ing movies, and most of all going to the movie theater. I see an average of 2 movies a week so I experience a lot of what I call "audience issues". In simple terms audience issues can be boiled down to one thing: assholes...and idiots...2 things. Here are a 2 unspoken rules of the theater that some people seem to have never learned.

1. Shut the FUCK up!

I'm here to watch and possibly enjoy a movie and that is made nearly impossible when the person in front of you or behind wants to talk about how their day is going or some such shit. Look if you must talk at least whisper. Also never talk to someone that is not sitting directly next to you. Seriously last time I went to a movie some stupid fake'n baked chick kept yelling down to the end of the row. She literally said: "hey...Hey...HEY...what's up?" God damn it! What the hell could she possibly be thinking. If you want to have a conversation go to a fucking Starbucks or some other douche bag gathering place. Another thing don’t verbally guess what's going to happen next in the movie. It does not make you cool that you know that there are zombies coming when the music picks up (just one example but you get the point).

2. Turn off Your Mother Fuck Cell Phone

They tell you at least 4 times before the movie starts so there is no excuse. If there is a situation in your life that you can't be unavailable to answer your phone then you should not be in a movie. Period. Text messages count too folks. I hate when I'm trying to watch and someone flashes their cell phone light in my eyes so they can read a text. Even worst is someone who answers their phone in the middle of the film. NEVER EVER DO THIS!! YOU FUCKS!! There was a guy at a showing I was at a few weeks ago that answered his phone during a death scene and said "What's up dude? ...not much just watching a movie..." NOT MUCH?! "JUST" WATCHING A MOVIE?! There are no curses in any language that express my hate for this man.

phew

venting over

now reviews

in ten words

or less

The Invention of Lying

Ricky Gervais being not funny enough. Jennifer Garner hot. Rent.

Pandorum

Better than you think. Amazing twist. Go see it soon.

Law Abiding Citizen

Seemed good, wasn't, could have been. Terrible end. Skip it.

Zombieland

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. See it NOW!

Better reviews in the future.

Hopefully.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen Expectations

2009-08-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

The Autobots have been working with the government to kill the remainder of the of the Decepticons left after the death of Megatron. Sam is going to college and hoping to leave his battling robot days behind. Then surprise Megatron is alive and there is a new giant war coming to earth and Sam is the key to everything. Opitmus Prime dies, stuff blows up, people run, slow motion, we end up in Egypt, Sam dies then doesn't, Optimus prime lives, good guys win. As if there could possibly be anything unpredictable about a giant summer movie. I didn't hate it though, for the following reasons. Shia LeBouf. I think he is really likable and plays the mister run away, key to everything, get the way to hot girl, guy really well. It was also entertaining...if you could get past a lot of ham fisted attempts at humor, racists caricatures, unlikable supporting players, completely predictable summer movie brain melting explode-a-thons, and complete lack of real human drama. If you really liked the toys, the tv show or the first Transformers, you MIGHT like this one...or hate it. It's hard to say. The effects are OK. Pretty much everyone but the mains are terrible. Sams new room mate is almost unbearably annoying and in the back of your head you want him to be stomped to death by a Decepticon. There is also a lot more of Sam's parents in fallen and for some reason they have turned in to disgusting horny pot heads. You lose all attachment to them and then when they come back for the emotional climax and it fizzles. Also there are far too many transformers for you to really care which ones live or die. In the first one you really felt for the robots, which was one of the reasons I liked it. This movie proves that movies only need have a few thousand expolsions and a hot girl to make a billion dollars in the movie industry today. Such low expections. Sad Times.

So I'll use a scale of nerdboners for this one and Transformers 2: Revenge to the Fallen gets a 2 out of 5 (and the two are more chubbies than full blown Stallones)

Worst Customers Ever Pt. 3, The Finale/The Posers

2009-07-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

Posers
There are so many types of posers that I'm going to break them down into 3 sub categories .

Peace Posers
These are the literally hundreds of people, who are obviously Bush-loving ignorant idiots, that for some reason now want to have peace signs on everything they own. They don't care about the war they just want to be trendy. It's ridiculous to suddenly start saying that you love peace and want to support it when a year ago you defended water boarding and invading Iran. Peace is not just a symbol you fucking r'tards. Peace is an ideal and if you support it then support it but don't be a poser. Please push that shiny new peace pin into your eyes and then drive blindly into traffic.

MMA Posers

Fucking guys who wear Tapout shirts. If your an mma fighter then cool (please don't beat me up) but if your not then never wear that shirt. You look like a douche and in fact are a douche. Seriously it's not that cool to look like a sweaty oily man hulk that is going to get his face punched in (or do some face punching) unless you are in fact that very thing (again please don't arm bar me or something). Another thing if you're fat and wear one of those shirts then you just look like a handler of sweaty oily man hulks. Even more gay! Please pick a fight with a real MMA fighter and remember to keep your hands LOW.

Hipster/Counter-culture Posers
These Fucking people. They have this I'm so fucking cool and ahead of trends that it's a pleasure for you to meet me. Get fucked. Listen Sven or whatever your stupid douche name is, you may listen to terrible indie music and wear retro shirts but you are not a rebel. Most of you idiot are far from counter culture. It doesn't count if you bought your retro shirt at the mall with money you got from working at The GAP. The only reason you wear a Andy Warhol shirt or talk about how much you hate MTV is because you think it will make people like you and you'll be accepted by the culture you "hate" so much. Also you can't be a counter culture hipster that works a Wal-Mart. Period. Or shops there. Period. Please wear you "cool" and "retro" outfit in to the wrong neighborhood and get shot.

Now I think I'll just list some other more specific customers that I hate

Kids
Super-old and senile people
Drunks
Most everyone buying body jewelry
People who think Weed The Game is ''cool''
People who ride Razor scooter and are not 5 years old
Pissy middle aged women
Pissy middle aged men
Tri-cities "Gangstas"
People who throw things in the store
People who want things off the wall then don't buy them
People who return things
People who ask why?
Guys with no shirts on
Jail bait
People with accents other then Irish, Scottish, English, and Australian
Girls who "think" they can pull off a tube top
Horny methheads
Methheads in general
Crackheads
Neo-Nazis
Way-too-gay guys (look I get it your gay that's fine. Take it easy, eh?)
People who I can't decide whether they are crack heads or mentally handicapped
The mentally handicapped (Without handlers. Harsh but it's scary you know?)
Idiots
Jackasses
Bitches
Fuckers
and
Most everyone else...

Randel: Yeah, I hate the customers at the video store too.
Dante: Which ones?
Randel: All of them...
-Clerks

Worst Customers Ever Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo

2009-07-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

More of the worst customers ever:

Juggalos
Fans of some of the worst fucking music in the world, The Insane Clown Posse (and their ilk). They never seem to have showered or care to ever shower. A particularly horrible fact considering they all wear black fucking clothes and walk everywhere (too poor for cars and too dumb for jobs). Worst BO ever. Seriously sometimes you can smell them before you ever see them. They Always have one idiot blaring some terrible rap/rock bullshit. The stupid hatchet man is on everything they wear. They are also obsessed with Faygo soda. Therein lies my joy. We used to carry Faygo soda until last year when the supplier went out of business. Now I take great pleasure in telling these idiots that we don't have it and you probably can't get it in the state anymore.
Please blare your terrible music until you bleed to death out of your ears.

Idiot Parents
Listen if you are irresponsible enough to have a little idiot version of yourself, you must now take care of it. I make minimum wage to come here and sell you stupid shit and fold shirt. Not to spend hours watching and cleaning up after your hellspawn. I really don't need a kid in my life. Especially one I didn't get to fuck a girl to make. Just because you don't care about your kid doesn't mean someone else does. Please crash your car on the way home and make sure the kid is in the front seat. (A bit harsh)

Stupid Teenage Girls (and sometimes boys)
"Oh my god, that's so cute!" "Blah Blah Blah Blah Fucking Blah" Shut the fuck up for a few seconds!! And no, we don't have "piercings". We have body jewelry and if you don't know the difference you should not be poking holes in your face. Also you can't actually get high from incense. Please find a stupid teenage boy and let him fuck you to death.

Stay Tuned.

The Finale still to come.

Worst Customers Ever Pt. 1

2009-07-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know, I work at a gift shop. I'm a clerk. So everyday I have the supreme displeasure of dealing with the public. What follows are the worst types of customers I have to deal with on a regular basis.

Rednecks
Fucking rednecks. The shop I work at has a reputation as either a den of liberal sin or the cool place for stoners to hang out. So everyday I get to deal with at least one stoned redneck saying something racist about Obama or bitching about our anti republican stuff. Look dumb asses the store is named after a Beatles song so of-fucking-course we're all liberals. Not that you know any Beatles songs. After all they have no songs about drinking tequila before dinner or killing foreigners. Please shoot each other on the next huntin trip.

Old Burnt-Up Hippies
These people have smoked themselves double retarded. They can't even remember how to dress properly. Honestly it's easier to deal with mentally handicapped people than it is to deal with these idiots. At least you can make them happy. Please die of old age already.

Anyone who rides a "Longboard" skateboard
Seriously. It sounds like a stereotype but every person who comes in with one of those stupid things is a complete and utter douche. They either think they're surfers and therefore have that "I'm so fucking cool my shit smells like the ocean" attitude or they're so stoned that they can't even speak anything that resembles English. Mostly just ''Dude'' And "that's tight". Also they always smell like ass. Probably from riding around town without shirts all day, sweating. Please skate in front of a bus.

MORE TO COME.
BEING KICKED OFF COMPUTER.

The Awesomeness of Snickers Dark Bars and Disrepectful Youths

2009-06-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

I worked a real shift today, 9:30 to 5. So around 12:30 I got my lunch break and decided to have a bagel sandwich. Delicious. I then went to the SunMart and bought a Snicker Dark Bar the best damn candy bar that has ever been made, ever, by man or by god. Seriously. Best. Enjoyed it as I walked back to work. A few stores from work I could hear some commotion. Three skater douche type teenagers yelling at at an old lady for parking in a spot that blocked their skating. Now if I had not been mellowed out by my Delicious Snickers Dark Bar I might have said something (and ran, those little fuckers are dangerous). Later I was so pissed. Like old man pissed. Fuck them hooligans. People have to park, assholes. Moral of the story? Snickers dark bars will solve any anger issues you might have. I might have. So I think I should eat them constantly. I can almost hear the fat jokes...
Also Fuck Teenagers.

And Skaters Douche Types.

Except Tony Hawk.

He seems like a nice man.

Fast Food VS Me

2009-06-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

So I decided a while back to stop eating fast food for various reasons (money issues & my fat ass mostly). It is certainly not the first time I've done so. As a matter of fact it's probably the fourth of filth time this year alone. Now, the first week or so is usually pretty hard. Mostly out of habit or laziness I would want to just stop at McDonald's or something on the way home from work. After the first couple of times of resisting temptation it becomes much easier. After that first week fast food starts becoming more and more unappealing. You literally start to wonder why anyone, including your former self, would ever eat it. But...

There always comes a moment, sometimes months in when you get sneak attacked by fast food, like some kind of fat ninja. This last time I was able to avoid fast food for about two and a half months. I was all up on the high horse with my "I don't need that shit in my body" or "look at those people and their Big Macs, Ew". Then I come home from work one day and in the fridge was some left over Panda Express. MOTHER FUCK PANDA EXPRESS!!!! I LOVE IT. I decided I'd have some of the leftovers and that it didn't really count. Bullshit. I know. A god damned mistake. I know. I ate it anyway. I went about my evening and later went to bed. The next day I was off work and woke up at about noonish. Lunchtime. And the only thing I could even imagine eating was Panda-fuck-Express. With it's fucking cute fat tits panda mascot and delicious Orange Chicken.

I cant really blame Panda Express (or pandas) for my lack of will power. That was all me. I went and I partook. Orange Chicken. Chow Mien. Egg Roll. Largy Dr. Pepper. Next day my Fast Food fast was broken along with my spirits. It was all my fault too. Or there is cocaine in Panda Express food. Probably my fault. I'm currently planning a new and improved try at this whole thing. See if I can kick the shit for real this time. Wish me luck.

Soccer (football) Damn You!!

2009-06-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Wednesday the U.S. soccer team beat the number one team in the world, Spain 2-0 in the Confederations Cup. Spain had not lost a game in their last 35 international matches. The U.S. was final bound for the first time ever in a FIFA tournament. As a soccer fan this was the biggest upset of all time. Spirits were insanely high for us weirdos. Thursday Brazil beat South Africa 1-0 for the other spot in the final. Now a week ago there was no way any one would give the us a chance in hell against Brazil but after Spain, anything was possible. I was all over watching this game and excited as mother fucking shit. BUT....I worked all day on Saturday. Also it was Cool Desert Nights or as i call it: Idiot-asshole-dumbass-car-fuckers-horrible-cunt-cluster-fucka-rama featuring dumbest fuck customers ever. I came home and played Bad Company until way too late. I fell asleep until about 1:00pm on Sunday. I woke up to hear that the U.S. had blown a 2-0 halftime lead and lost 3-2 to Brazil. I was so fucking disappointed I turned the TV off without even watching the highlights. It's been a while since I had hope in anything at all, really and what happens? Disappointment. There you have it soccer proves that all hope is gone. No we can't.

MySpace Left Behind (#1)

2009-06-27T23:54:00.000-07:00

For the longest time I've only been blogging through my MySpace profile. However since I started using Twitter (sweet-ish) MySpace (lame-ish) is falling by the wayside. There for I bring you my blog that is Not For Human Minds. (Warning my blogs will contain horrible language and lots of bitching and extremly personal informantion and sexually graphic content)